I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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