he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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