we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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