Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
