Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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