is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
