Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
