i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
