I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need water and some morals
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
