every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize