The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
