My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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