I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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