I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
