Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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