Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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