i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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