Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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