so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize