hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
