I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
