cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
