3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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