FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Small penises have feelings too.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Are we still banned from the library?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
