And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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