so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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