just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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