just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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