You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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