I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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