discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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