if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
