I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
