Your dad touched me again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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