We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize