Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
