The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
