Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
