First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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