Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
