Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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