I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
