So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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