Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
