Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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