now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
