Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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