Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
