I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
