This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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