Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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