So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
