I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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