I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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