Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your penis caused this!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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