Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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