Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
