walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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