I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
