I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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