Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
