someone owes me an orgasm
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
